4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fuck appropriateness.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Randomize
