I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
