I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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