i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
