So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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