what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
