My balls are so social today.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
