yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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