nut hugger
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
