He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
