Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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