I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
