I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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