He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
