He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
