Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
high people should be assigned attendants
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
