new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
