fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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