you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
