i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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