I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
