she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
