life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
