I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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