The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
