Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
