I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
