if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need water and some morals
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
