i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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