There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
