I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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