You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
