Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
