I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
