You're completely useless in the revolution.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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