Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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