he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's never too late to be topless.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
