i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
