I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My ass is underappreciated
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
