you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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