found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
