the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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