Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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