mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
