I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
only you would photoshop your dick
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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