I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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