he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
