at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
