I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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