I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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