I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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