I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
