grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
