I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Let's paint friendship bongs
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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